


Remember the Cotton Candy Air?

by imagine_5boys



Category: Bandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Monsters, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-19
Updated: 2013-03-19
Packaged: 2017-12-05 19:56:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/727317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imagine_5boys/pseuds/imagine_5boys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That Fic where Zayn is an abusive boyfriend, but he loves his mentally ill girlfriend unconditionally. </p><p>(Sorry, I'm too lazy to come up with a better summary.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember the Cotton Candy Air?

Bruises, dark purple marks scattered over flesh. They covered her body contrasting against her skin, pale as ivory, soft as a rose petal, stretched over her bones like canvas.

“This is really good,” I say placing my fork down on the plate.

She looks up at me with her tired eyes, the skin beneath her eyes are dark, and I’m not sure if it’s from the lack of sleep, or from the abuse.

“Thank you,” she says before lowering her gaze back to her plate. She doesn’t eat anymore. All the happiness she had, had when we first started dating was gone now, beaten out of her. Now she was just a shell, a bruised shell.

It’s the anger, the rage that does it. It’s hard to control, the white hot furry makes it hard to think. I know it’s wrong, but I lash out. It’s always at her, not really because of her, but she is always there; even after my out breaks, always there like a dog that doesn’t know how to leave.

We are stuck in the same vicious cycle, the same never-ending circle of events. Perhaps we didn’t just leave because we didn’t know how. As much as we both hated to admit it, we relied on each other, or I realized on her. I think she just didn’t know how to go. If she did, she probably would have left a long time ago. I would have blamed her ether.

Her chair let out a loud screech, breaking the silence as she got up. It was the same every day we never replaced the chair. It was like our relationship, less than perfect, but for some reason we couldn’t let it go.

She started the dishes while I sat down on the couch and began reading some book. I wasn’t ever big on reading though, so I found myself skimming through the passages. When the water turned off my eyes drifted up.

She stood in the doorway watching me, a ghost of a smile on her thin lips. Even when she was damaged, she was just as beautiful as when we meant.

“Always a scholar Mr. Malik,” she said laughing. Her laugh was light; it was something I rarely got to hear anymore. Hearing it again reminded me why I fell in love with her.

She came over and sat down next to me. Taking her arm in my hand, my fingers traced the dark purple marks on her skin. She didn’t flinch; it always surprised me that she didn’t pull away. I couldn’t understand how it was possible for me to create marks of pain on her. Hadn’t I promised to always protect her? It was funny actually, who would have thought that I would be the one that she needed protecting from.

She took the hand that had traced her bruises and kissed each finger. How could she be like this? These fingers, these hands were the same ones that had caused her so much pain. Yet, she was still here, still loving me.

“Remember the cotton candy air?” she mumbled into my fingertips.

“How could I forget?” I smiled remembering the days when things had been so easy. We had been so caught up our lust and passion. Closing my eyes I let the sensation of her lips ghosting my fingers over take me.

“And the bunnies? Remember all the bunnies? They were so small, so innocent. Do you think they’re gone? What do you think happened to the bunnies?”

“They're probably gone. Nothing good lasts,” I said opening my eyes to look at her face. Her eyes so big with worry for the rabbits.

“I liked them,” she said letting go of my hand.

“I know.”

I watched her. She was so careful with every movement, as if frightened that one wrong move would break her.

“I’m sorry, you know that right?” I asked her, my voice was tired and rough.

“I know,” she replied, her voice was soft, but her eyes were dull. I knew they would never have that same brightness that they once had held.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this anymore?” I suggested. It wasn’t the first time the subject had come up. Emotion shot through her face, I wasn’t sure what the feeling was though. Once I had been able to read her like a book, but now it wasn’t so easy. She kept things bottled up from me now. I didn’t blame her, I would too if I was her. I was a bomb, ticking always ticking.

“Perhaps,” she said before meeting my gaze and smiling. “We can’t lose the last puzzle piece, can we?”

I never could understand her thoughts. They seemed to skip around, it had been getting worse though. Lately she seemed to get lost in her own world more and more.

“I have the last piece,” I reassured her, playing her game, “It’s safe with me.”

She nodded, her expression serious, like this nonexistent puzzle piece was the most important thing in her life. I couldn’t keep up with her thoughts now, and I probably never would be able to, but they were so important to her, and I had already taken away so much from what she was, from what she could be. So I would play along with her games, and I would humor her because that was something I could do to support her.

“You’re getting worse, aren’t you,” I sighed looking into her dull brown eyes. Once they had been so pretty, the color of amber, but now they were dead, dull and lifeless.

“Worse is only what you make of it,” she said letting a giggle escape her lips, as she flashed me a wide smile. Her smile isn’t genuine; it’s toothy and empty. Her eyes wide and hungry for something, I don’t know what though, something better than her current state of life?

“You’re right, it could always be different,” I agreed with her. We weren’t fighting tonight. That was good. It was the first night in a while without tears, and shouting, and pain. There wouldn’t be any new scars on her skin tomorrow, but there would be cuts on my heart.

“It’s not healthy you know. Us, we aren’t healthy, not together at least,” I said my eyes drifting to the dark spots on her collar bone.

“Neither is chocolate, but I wont tell if you don’t. One can’t hold secrets, nope. Secrets aren’t really secrets unless they’re shared, but don’t tell anyone, it’s a secret,” Her eyes grew wide with that same mystery that she always had now days. “Shh, don’t let the skeleton out of the closet, I think he bites,” breaking into a fit of giggles as if it were the funniest joke in the world. She was so strange. I made her this way; I know I did. She had been such an innocent, young girl when we first meant, before I abused her, corrupted her, it was my fault she was so far gone. Suddenly her giggling ceased, cut by a yawn.

“I think it’s time for bed,” I offered scooping her up and caring her to the bedroom.

“I want to go back to before.”

Looking into her eyes I knew that she was here now. This was really her talking, her thoughts made sense to both of us. I wanted it to go back to the way it was before as well, but I can’t do that. Magic isn’t real.

“Close your eyes,” I said setting her down on the soft sheets and pulling the duvet up.

She adhered to my request, and her eyes soon shut. I watched her, as she drifted off, consumed by my thoughts. I knew there was only one way to save her. When she awoke I wouldn’t be here. I had to leave if I she was to live a normal life. Was it possible for her to ever be normal? She was already so far gone. Who would take care of her? It couldn’t be me; I had already done so much damage to her; to her body, her mind, and her soul.

I got up and grabbed a piece of paper, and scribbled a note for her to wake up too.

_Every bruise on your body, I made. Every bruise hurts me just as much as it hurts you. So I refuse to make any more scars on your soul. I remember the cotton candy air. Xx_

It would be the last farewell I would say to her. It was too bad we couldn’t do it in person, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to leave if I stayed now. My mind was made. I stuck the note to the table beside the bed and left. The house would be empty without two bodies, but she would have the space she needed. I hope I’m doing the right thing, but something tells me to stay, to make sure she is safe. No, I know she is safe. I’m not there anymore. I was the monster that hid under her bed, and now there’s no more monster in the house. No more bruises to be left on hearts.

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this when I was like dying of the flu, and when I'm sick I write really weird things... it's not my fault it just happens. My mind is a twisted place and sickness brings out the worst of it all. Sorry, but oh well, it was fun to write.


End file.
